Was I satisfied by Satisfyer Penguin Pro?

A little while ago Satisfyer emailed me, and I nearly fell off my chair. They asked if I wanted to review a toy for them. My reply was biting their hand off. Do I want to try out a sex toy many people are raving over? Heck yes.

Satisfyer penguin pro review
Image from Satisfyer.com – used with permission.

So what is the Penguin Pro? Its a clitoral suction toy, you place it over the clit and it pushes and pulls air around it, creating a wave of pressure. It was one of those toys I read about and thought “yeah right, that’s a gimmick” but how wrong I was. I am one of people that get over sensitive through direct clitoral stimulation, and this gives the feelings of being touched without the actual sucking. Think of it a bit like a partner giving oral sex, that soft and gentle tickling, yet still powerful and dry.

So, how was the Satisfyer Penguin Pro tested in the Dyke household?

Husband isn’t one for reading the instruction leaflets, we had something similar to this in the past, it can’t be much different or so we thought. I was slightly restrained and on my back for an hour, whilst he kept placing Mr Penguin (yeah, I gave it a nickname) on me. Holding Mr Penguin with one hand and using the other to tease me with all manner of phallic toys, including glass dildos and classic vibrators. The instructions said you shouldn’t use it for such extended periods of time, but lets call it science – destruction testing if you will. It kept running all that time, it didn’t get overly hot, it didn’t moan, and my god it kept me moaning.

Several times since this has been in our toy draw I’ve asked him to get out Mr Penguin. Why? Well, to be honest, it’s adorable. It gets me to climax within minutes, but as we learnt can keep me there for an hour. The penguin Pro is also waterproof, made from sturdy plastics, and wonderfully cased in decent quality silicone in the style of a tuxedo wearing penguin. It charges with a neato magnetic wire – so basically there are 2 metal terminals on the Penguin Pro’s bum, and there is a circular disc on the end of the charging wire, with strong magnets that only allow it to connect in the correct way. This solves the problem of toys we’ve had in the past that recharged via tiny needle like charging pins, and the silicone was meant to reseal itself around the pin size opening as if by magic, but after a while we’ve found these things failed. Supposedly waterproof toys would get internal damage. Not an issue now, thanks Satisfyer, also not a problem if you are a squirter like I am.

One particularly fun playtime with Husband and Mr Penguin was when he got it out during a fisting session, yes, I said the F word. This resulted in me squirting so hard my foot got wet. No my legs weren’t bent up yoga style, I was lying down! To me, that’s one hell of a sales line “made me cum so hard even my foot got wet”. I got asked the next morning on the way to my car by a neighbour “did you have a party last night? Was a lot of screaming and laughing?”

Alas, my naughty canine companion has a thing for leather and rubber. One day after washing this kickarse toy I left it on my bedside table to air dry, and the pupper nicked it and tried to take his Tux off! This was not meant to be part of my review, but to be fair, it is impressive folks. IT STILL WORKS. It is electrically sound, the main body is intact except some teethies marks, it still charges, and he still sucks me off wonderfully, he’s just no longer waterproof. Take it from me, this mutts teeth are sharp, I’ve been bitten by them as a younger pup, and needed medical help.

Things we love –

Noise level. Most powered toys are not subtle, this little gem makes a bit of a loud rumbly noise when not in contact with the body, but once you seal the air in it goes at least 50% quieter.
The battery life. Look, it lasted an hour straight, and still had more juice in the tank for a few more playtimes.
That it is waterproof. (Well, my Mr Penguin isn’t waterproof at all now, but that is not Satisfyers fault – Cuts evil glares at the mutt).
The appearance and feel of it. There is no point having a pretty toy if it doesn’t work, but fuck me sideways this works.

Things we don’t love –

Basically, I wholeheartedly suggest buying one if you have a clitoris, or begging Santa for one. I have heard of men using them on the penis tip, but we can’t vouch for that one.
Buy at Bettys toy box US and Canada readers.



I was sent this product for the purpose of reviewing. My opinions are honest, and I was not paid to be nice. Contains affiliate link.

Get on that bed and spreader ’em

For a long while I had been intrigued by the thought of spreaders bars, but it was only very recently Husband bought a set.

I wanted cold hard steel, but I couldn’t find what I really wanted. I sulked a bit, and Husband hit Trussed when he was alone to buy a wooden set.

Image from TrussedUK.com
A whole lot of wood.

It was a suprise gift. One of those “do you trust me Wife?” situations. I was ordered to bed and on went the cuffs, and he arranged me as he wanted and clipped my various cuffs to the bars. It started out as a gentle impact play session but soon got a bit rougher.
I could move, but it was belly crawling only. As I tried to escape like and ungrateful caterpillar he lifted my lower body off our bed using the bars. Hot, hot as feck. Oh, I like this new game.

As I’m restrained, yet not totally immobile, Husband started some orgasm torture. The idea of very long orgasms might sound super-duper but there is a limit to what is comfortable. I always end up begging for him to get inside me. I don’t know about you, dear reader, but when my lover cums inside me it is like a massive release. Without the happy ending I’m left on the edge, irritated and a bit miffed.

Image from Trussed UK
Lots of ways to attach your S type to these bars.

It was odd, being able to move but not well. To roll over is nearly impossible in some configurations, and as you can see from the above image there are a few ways to tie your partner down. I was surprised how hard I could struggle, to fidget and wiggle. I likey, not so much for sex but hell yes for sensation play, buzzy toys and impact.

It was sold as a set of 4 bars, 2 shorter and 2 long. The kit came with 4 clips, but Husband bought extra carabiner clips so there are more options for which limb he clips where! You could also use these bars with rope, chain or metal handcuffs. The bars sit neatly beside our bed headboard, hardly noticable. This is good that they are small and easy to store because Husband searching for toys in the tool bag is a bit of a turn off. I like not knowing what he is plotting until he does it.

If you don’t have spreaders yet, chop chop. Trussed UK

The newest impact toy

When I said I didn’t like canes, I was wrong. I didn’t like how they had been misused on me in the past, it was a mental block I had to get past.

Well a few weeks ago I mentioned how much I love impact toys, and that I like chains whilst at a munch and somehow the conversation got intetesting. One of the men is a blacksmith… his ears perked up at some of my ideas. Well at the next munch he presented me with the product my mind had created.

A custom made cane, just for me!
A custom made cane, just for me!

Husband has bent it a bit as you can see, but this is a prototype. This has potential I must say, the marks it leaves are hard to hide that’s for sure.


My only problem…. finding reasons to get punished for.