Was I satisfied by Satisfyer Penguin Pro?

A little while ago Satisfyer emailed me, and I nearly fell off my chair. They asked if I wanted to review a toy for them. My reply was biting their hand off. Do I want to try out a sex toy many people are raving over? Heck yes.

Satisfyer penguin pro review
Image from Satisfyer.com – used with permission.

So what is the Penguin Pro? Its a clitoral suction toy, you place it over the clit and it pushes and pulls air around it, creating a wave of pressure. It was one of those toys I read about and thought “yeah right, that’s a gimmick” but how wrong I was. I am one of people that get over sensitive through direct clitoral stimulation, and this gives the feelings of being touched without the actual sucking. Think of it a bit like a partner giving oral sex, that soft and gentle tickling, yet still powerful and dry.

So, how was the Satisfyer Penguin Pro tested in the Dyke household?

Husband isn’t one for reading the instruction leaflets, we had something similar to this in the past, it can’t be much different or so we thought. I was slightly restrained and on my back for an hour, whilst he kept placing Mr Penguin (yeah, I gave it a nickname) on me. Holding Mr Penguin with one hand and using the other to tease me with all manner of phallic toys, including glass dildos and classic vibrators. The instructions said you shouldn’t use it for such extended periods of time, but lets call it science – destruction testing if you will. It kept running all that time, it didn’t get overly hot, it didn’t moan, and my god it kept me moaning.

Several times since this has been in our toy draw I’ve asked him to get out Mr Penguin. Why? Well, to be honest, it’s adorable. It gets me to climax within minutes, but as we learnt can keep me there for an hour. The penguin Pro is also waterproof, made from sturdy plastics, and wonderfully cased in decent quality silicone in the style of a tuxedo wearing penguin. It charges with a neato magnetic wire – so basically there are 2 metal terminals on the Penguin Pro’s bum, and there is a circular disc on the end of the charging wire, with strong magnets that only allow it to connect in the correct way. This solves the problem of toys we’ve had in the past that recharged via tiny needle like charging pins, and the silicone was meant to reseal itself around the pin size opening as if by magic, but after a while we’ve found these things failed. Supposedly waterproof toys would get internal damage. Not an issue now, thanks Satisfyer, also not a problem if you are a squirter like I am.

One particularly fun playtime with Husband and Mr Penguin was when he got it out during a fisting session, yes, I said the F word. This resulted in me squirting so hard my foot got wet. No my legs weren’t bent up yoga style, I was lying down! To me, that’s one hell of a sales line “made me cum so hard even my foot got wet”. I got asked the next morning on the way to my car by a neighbour “did you have a party last night? Was a lot of screaming and laughing?”

Alas, my naughty canine companion has a thing for leather and rubber. One day after washing this kickarse toy I left it on my bedside table to air dry, and the pupper nicked it and tried to take his Tux off! This was not meant to be part of my review, but to be fair, it is impressive folks. IT STILL WORKS. It is electrically sound, the main body is intact except some teethies marks, it still charges, and he still sucks me off wonderfully, he’s just no longer waterproof. Take it from me, this mutts teeth are sharp, I’ve been bitten by them as a younger pup, and needed medical help.

Things we love –

Noise level. Most powered toys are not subtle, this little gem makes a bit of a loud rumbly noise when not in contact with the body, but once you seal the air in it goes at least 50% quieter.
The battery life. Look, it lasted an hour straight, and still had more juice in the tank for a few more playtimes.
That it is waterproof. (Well, my Mr Penguin isn’t waterproof at all now, but that is not Satisfyers fault – Cuts evil glares at the mutt).
The appearance and feel of it. There is no point having a pretty toy if it doesn’t work, but fuck me sideways this works.

Things we don’t love –
**tumbleweed**

Basically, I wholeheartedly suggest buying one if you have a clitoris, or begging Santa for one. I have heard of men using them on the penis tip, but we can’t vouch for that one.
Buy at Bettys toy box US and Canada readers.

 

Disclosure

I was sent this product for the purpose of reviewing. My opinions are honest, and I was not paid to be nice. Contains affiliate link.

What a way to wake up

This morning we were supposed to wake up reasonably early but I was sleepy. I didn’t want to wake up. I was not waking up. Husband shuts the bedroom door and grabs a few toys, my eyes slightly open and I realise his intentions. I smirk in a cheeky way, which basically means “go on then”. 

I as a bit blurry and can’t really remember what happened first, but first thing I was being flogged. A nice gentle (almost tickling) flog. He didn’t stay gentle for long though. The wooden spoon, a spatula, the riding crop, a looped rope flogger, the jute rope flogger, bare handed spanking and who knows what else get used on me. Mainly my back and shoulders, but also my arse and legs for a short while. 

Whilst the crop was slapping on my skin it was hurting but it was a lovely pain. I wanted to tell him to hit me harder, but I didn’t want to speak. I was very happy, in honesty I was having a weak orgasm from the crack of pain. The noise, the feeling… I’m going to have bruises but I’m past caring. I am pretty much begging with my body language, despite being non verbal right now.  I want him.

I start talking, but only to be demanding. I want fisting, I pretty much need that release, I am too wound up. Sex alone ain’t going to cut it, I need more. He does as he’s told, even though people think he’s the dominant. I get him where I want him, cold lube on his arm and I am having fun. It’s my period, so things are a bit more intimate. I lose control, albeit not completely, he is my boss right now. It feels like only a few minutes to me, but I lose all sense of time when excited, then he orders me to move to my knees. If I drop his hand as I struggle to flip my body over he will stop, utter denial. Being left like this IS torture. 

I move slowly and carefully, clenching every muscle I can to keep hold of him. Success, I’m proud of myself, but no chance to celebrate. Barely chance to breath in fact as he rewards my efforts with pretty vicious thrusting. I’m on my knees, face down in our pillows, my hands are down just in front of my head. For a few seconds I wish he would be gentle, but then the euphoric feeling hits and that idea is gone. I’m in sexual heaven, and my fingers are scratching down our leather headboard. I cannot focus on anything, all I can do is scream. He spanks my arse with his bare hand, and my hand wanders to my crotch. I tough myself as he fists me, I’m screaming in pleasure but I want to lose control. 

Husband lets me fondle myself for a short time and then grabs me by my collar, gently at first. Then he pulls harder, he disrupts my breathing and time feels like it is slowing down. The pressure in my lungs, the delightful weakness throughout my body after a long and sustained orgasm, then the dizzy feeling from oxygen deprevation kicks in. Just at the right time he released my collar, I breath deeply and scream in delight.

It wasn’t negative screaming, I’m not worried, I was just very in the moment. He could hurt me badly, in this state I am pretty vulnerable, but I trust him completely, I’ve no need to be afraid. I know that if I shout a safe word he will stop immediately. Trust allows for some wonderful sex that’s for sure. 

When he decides I’ve had enough he pulls his arm from inside me and starts scratching my back with metal claws. My blood is on his hands. It feels like he wrote his initials on my back before going for a more wavy random scratching style. I love the feeling of claws – like little knives moved with care all over my body. They are cold metal but cause heat on my skin when he’s done. They aren’t actually super sharp, if used right they feel almost blunt, but if they are pulled across your flesh fast enough they feel delightfully sharp. He moves down and also scratches my arse and legs, in a more sensual way, tickling almost, he rolls me over. I’m now on my back. Husband is sucking then slapping my tits, it’s hurting but I am laughing, I enjoy playtime pain. He even slaps my face. 

I plead for sex, I am half expecting to be forced to beg, I am desperate to feel him inside me, for him to cum inside me. Missionary position – yes okay, it sounds dull but it so was not boring. It was loving, and close, and sweaty, the perfect fuck. But he doesn’t stay – he pulls out and says I should get on my knees. Doggy now, this I like a lot. He again grabs me by my collar, moving me into the position that causes the deepest penetration. Pulling hard, this sends me into another orgasm.

Eventually we stop playing and just hug. I’m not sure how long we hugged, but then we had a shower together to wash away the blood, sweat and spunk. We get dressed ready for our vanilla day. Which today was going to a rugby match with friends. Back to boring…. 

Rubber duck and bubbles

Yesterday Husband had a day off work as he had to attend hospital. He normally commutes almost 2 hours each way, so coming to our home town to hospital and popping back to work after is impossible. This meant he had free time where he wasn’t working and I wasn’t looking after our children, adult time, oh Yay!

It started nicely, he took the kids to school and left me sleeping. When he returned it was with croissants and pain au chocolate, he made some fresh coffee and sneaks upstairs to wake me.

I see him walking up the stairs holding a big blue tray, two plates, two cups and a cafetiere. Apparently breakfast in bed is like an aphrodisiac to me, as shortly afterwards we are hugging. I went to sleep wearing a nice Ann Summers bra and thong set with a fishnet dress over it. I knew that he’d wake up wanting me.

 

The hug got close and I suggest a bath together. Husband doesn’t take baths, he never has, he always has showers. But he accepts my offer, and I run us a bath with lavender bubble bath and call him in. Our cd collection is playing via MP3 from Husband’s mobile phone on the windowsill, this not only means we have nice sounds, but it also hides noises from the neighbours.

He gets in and brings Duck with him. I’m sat facing him, Husband’s back is towards the tap end. I starts off as an almost vanilla shared bath, but soon enough it gets naughty. His broken arm is holding Duck by my clit, his other hand is stroking around the entrance to my vagina. He slips two fingers in me but things are not moving smoothly, I joke that lube is pointless as it’s pretty much all water-based these days, and suggest the shower gel might be a better alternative. He rubs shower gel over my legs and tummy, and then dribbles it over his good hand. My mind goes naughty as it’s thick creamy shower gel, and it is white. The prefect choice for a kinky bath – I’d advise strongly against the use of tingly bath products for this purpose (never ever get Original Source on your genitals, trust me).

A few more gentle fingers and then he goes for it, his arm is deep inside me, the smell of coconut is in the room. I am happy and encourage him to do as he pleases, that I trust him and nothing he can do will be too rough. Relentlessly he keeps fucking me, with his broken arm tickling and teasing elsewhere. I was almost sat up for a short while as I react to the strong movements inside me, but then I relax and allow myself to sink backwards, to utterly relax and submit. I’ve hit the sexual high stage, all I care about right now are the orgasms, and I move instinctively rather than thinking about things first. As we are a couple who like breath play (AKA strangling or asphyxiation) the idea dawned on me that I’m in water, I can do the breathing thing myself. Mid-orgasm I smirk at him, gasp to take a deep breath and I go under the water holding my nose. I don’t stay under a very long time, I just want to test if it works for me. It does, it totally does.

I wait until the next time I want to call out, to moan or scream and at that point I go under, with Husband still thrusting his arm into me. I hold my nose and dive, the feeling is overwhelming and I am moaning underwater, I can see bubbles of air leaving my mouth. I know this is going to be good! I stay under longer than Husband was comfortable with and his foot pushes my neck and head out of the water in a gentle way. I didn’t think it was too long, I was still cumming! This game continued for around an hour and a half until his broken arm was going a bit stiff, causing him too much pain to carry on much longer. It was honestly the best sex I’ve had in my life.

He releases the plug to drain the water, and removes his arm from me. I’m euphoric, and high as a kite. We get out and help each other dry, He has a hospital appointment to attend for his arm, so we can’t just lie in each others arms, which is all I want to do when I am in this state. I adore what Husband can do to me, how he makes me feel. I walk downstairs with a massive grin on my face, and off we go to my car for the vanilla hospital trip.

Later we play on the kitchen table. It might sound basic, but it is fun. A wooden kitchen table is such a harsh, solid, unforgiving surface to lie on during sex that it makes a good place for making love in a more naughty way.

What was more naughty is it was daytime still, we weren’t home alone, so I had to attempt to keep my excitement quiet. I am a very vocal lover, so this ain’t easy. Our kitchen is at the front of our house, near a shared “green” where kids play and dog walkers frequently pass our window. There was some risk of getting caught, even if our genitals were facing away from he window, the blinds were not fully twisted to closed. I don’t think anyone saw, but next-door probably heard me shout “harder” at least once.

The wood was creaking and wobbling, I was climaxing and rolling about – every now and then I’d worry about falling off of that table. Husband is going faster and firmly, and ejaculates into my body. Nothing is as comforting to me when I’m horny as his semen inside me, an act of love resulting in warm dampness.  It was great fun, but my back did not agree as I’ve been in pain since then.

Next time, a pillow is needed. There will be a next time.

 

I demand my own hard limit be violated

What a night. I’m sharing here as I know the husband is going to read this and get a mixture of shy embarrassment and smug pride.

I’m a bit nocturnal, and I still wasn’t asleep by 2 am so I woke him with a wank. He protested a little about the time of night and complained he had work yawn. I ignored that, suggested he mans-up a bit and screw me.

He’s still on his back so I got on him and fucked a bit rough, almost punching him with my arse checks and legs each time I thrust my body down on him. He responded well, by slapping me and then abusing my tits whilst I carried on. I’m not the physically fittest person, and my injured leg stopped play. We carried on in various forms of sex. A bit of doggy style, up my arsehole first and then deep in my pussy, holding my hair and pulling me back so sharply. That was hot, and I figured that was worth some payback.

Without telling him I just pulled away, his face was like “what did I do wrong now?” Before he noticed what I was doing, I was turning around. Still on my knees I sucked his very erect cock and fondle his arse. I pretty much begged for him to piss inside me, but he wouldn’t. To be fair that’s a newish request. No is allowed, but I don’t like being told no. Not by him.

A few more positions and a talk as we have a short break (more like an interrogation from me). I go down on him again and as I’m still excited shove my hand up myself. I get a bit selfish, but was still sucking. After he came I told him what I was doing and I think he’s eyes lit up. We end up in a T shape, with me sideways across the bed and my lady garden towards his body.

I demand he hand fucks me, and I suck on his fingers. I’m already pretty hyper and had lost count of the number of orgasms he’d given me. Sod it I think… “fist me. Make me your hand puppet” I tell him. This is something I’ve not done before, nor had he. Nice cold lube on his hand, he does as he’s told.

It aches and feels bizarre as the pressure builds as he tries to force his hand inside me. Ramming it hard, but not succeeding… then it just slips in. A feeling of relief goes over me, I’m not broken, I’m not screaming in pain. I was whimpering though, and there were tears in my eyes, but this is still consentual, I’d not given the game over instruction, or safe words. Once he was in OH MY FUCKING GOD! The feeling is immense, so full, and nothing like just a big toy. His fingers are fidgety inside me, almost tickling me inside my vagina. He’s not just moving his fingers, he’s moving his arm in and out with some gusto. The girth on his arms…. The entrance to my cunt is stretched so wide as his wide arm pumps in and out.

Mind goes blank, if he’d asked me what my name was I doubt I’d even know. Utterly Sexually zoned out. Another orgasm, shaking like I was shivering, this time resulting in female ejectulation. It remained there until he pulled his hand out of me…. he was much less considerate pulling out, the bastard. Still not a nasty pain though and then the bed gets wet as his fist had been acting like a plug. He goes back to just fingering me
No good now love, I want fucking not foreplay at this point.

He goes back to wearing me as a glove. Jesus, the squelching noises, nice. He puts his other hand near my butt and I wiggle to say go on then, both holes occupied. I still want more and try to move from the T shape and manage to wiggle to a 69 to give him some gratitude. He pretty much stops moving inside me, not sure if it was just because he was enjoying me deep throating him or if he was being deliberately mean. But I wasn’t done yet, I thrust myself up and down, ramming his arm and hand far inside me. It hurts as I get carried away but I’m too hot to care.

He shoots his load all over my tonsils and I swallow of course. We’ve reached a natural end of play, then he says ‘bathroom NOW”. Watersports, that’s one of his limits so hell yeah, I run to the bath and sit down ready to receive. Small disappointment as his little chap has gone shy, and refuses to perform with my face looking at it. Fair enough that it’s given up… we were busy for about 3 hours. I don’t resent him this little failure. I’m more impressed that he was willing and tried.

So we have our morning showers as by now it is dawn. He’s a good bloke, he went downstairs and made me a cooked breakfast and coffee.

I bully him playfully about his sleep deprevation, and off he goes to work. I’m still naked in bed. Is it sleep time now?

Thank you husband. You still surprise me and excite me.